For the first time in like two months, and this may sound insane, but bare with me. He seemed upset, almost angery/irritated. Which makes me kinda happy, not because I’m a bitch who likes winning, but if someone is upset about your relationship, it means they care. And his being upset, or so it seemed, means that he cares about what is going on.

We both made mistakes, granted his were a bit more… prominent, but the way we are going about things is rather juvenile, and that’s not how I work. I know I can be serious when I should be kidding around, but its only because I’m emotionally damaged… and just sorta emotionally retarded (I know that’s an insensitive term, but its all I got). And maybe, just maybe, if we can power through our swimmers’ pride and talk about what went wrong, just to regain our friendship, it will help us to better understand each other.

I asked him why he hadn’t talked to me or sent me a text in forever, he asked me why I hadn’t texted him either. And I told him the truth. I said I didn’t have his number because I was tired of always doing things first. And I was hoping he wouldn’t go about it in an immature manner, I even told him that there was no need to be a douche about the topic, but I don’t know. I hope he understands that he hurt me just as much, and probably more, than I could have hurt him.

I never get emotionally attached to anything, I’m good at letting go… but I let him in… and I can’t just forget that…

I want a manfriend. Sure I may only be entering my senior year of high school in a few months, but that doesn’t mean a gal can’t find a charming, mature, serious relationship. Stupid California. Everyone is so egotistic. I’m sorry, but I saw cuter guys in midmo then some of y’all here. Blaaaaaahhhh. I blame all my resentment on myself and that dumbass.

So much hatred.